Do you ever think you can’t do it all? Maybe having children is what pushed me over the edge…or perhaps it happens when you get sick or have a full time job. I feel the overwhelming weight of life’s responsibilities on my shoulders looming over me every day. And I just have to walk away from it. Sometimes I take out a box, put the looming cloud inside, and throw the box out. This balancing act of person, parent, working-mom, housekeeper, wife, daughter, sister, friend...it is hard. And the GUILT when the juggling fails, or the guilt when the people around you finally call you out on it! It’s too much.
I once read something by David Sedaris about a four burner
stove that struck a cord with me:
Pat was driving, and as we passed the turnoff for a
shopping center she invited us to picture a four-burner stove.
“Gas or electric?” Hugh asked, and she said that it
didn’t matter.
This was not a real stove but a
symbolic one, used to prove a point at a management seminar she’d once
attended. “One burner represents your family, one is your friends, the third is
your health, and the fourth is your work.” The gist, she said, was that in
order to be successful you have to cut off one of your burners. And in order to
be really successful you have to cut
off two.
From Laugh,Kookaburra, The New Yorker, August 24, 2009
Since I read this, I have this image of me looking down at a
stove that is my life. On each burner is a pot filled with the various things I
am trying to manage. Which burners am I turning on today and which ones am I turning
off? And the greater question of life: What do I truly want to be successful
at?
Today, this week, this year, I am turning off my garden. I
am turning off my idea of a perfectly clean and organized house or a
professional groomed yard. And we are definitely not moving or having another child
anytime soon.
With much guilt, I know I have turned off my friends. I don’t
call, I don’t see them. I ‘like’ facebook pictures and text occasionally. {guilt,
guilt, guilt}
My work burner is definitely on. It takes work to work, but
it isn’t challenging in a mental or physical way. It just sucks up time.
Precious, fleeting, never enough, time.
My family pot is boiling over due to the amount of attention
and energy that goes into raising a 1 and 2 year old. It is wonderful, hectic,
fulfilling, stressful, and life-changing every.single.day.
My health burner has been warming up since this past fall.
Trying different diets, experimenting with recipes, seeing specialists,
resting, taking medications…getting healthy, that is where my energy has been
focused. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I fail, but I keep trying.
But, I KNOW I need to make my life more balanced while continuing
to focus on my family and improve my health. I have decided to do that by
creating easy, yearlong goals to help me identify and create a balanced life…baby
steps. I am going to start with just three.
My goals to ignite some heat in my life:
- Everyone loves their birthday, and everyone deserves to be remembered on their birthday. Goal: remember birthdays of my extended family and close friends…send a card, give a gift, or go out of your way to connect
- My husband does so much and I recognize maybe 1 out of the 50 things he does for me and our children. Goal: do one thing a month that is just for my husband…go on a date planned for him, give him a small thoughtful gift, thank him sincerely
- I need to nurture my adult, human side. I need friends…we all need friends! Goal: once a month, make time to see a friend in real life and do something fun with or without the children (I might need more friends.)
Do making these goals make my life better? No way.
Can achieving these goals help achieve success? I am not
sure. It might make things more stressful.
Will they help me find more balance in my life? Yes, the
reminders and forced focus on life outside of work, children, and my health
will encourage me to live more deeply.
Does this stove analogy resonate with you? What do you take
away from it?
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